


my blood was once my own (what have you done?)

by violetstardust



Series: soulmate pain au [2]
Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Mild descriptions of violence, Peraltiago, Romantic Soulmates, Soulmates feel each other's pain, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-21
Updated: 2019-11-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:15:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21512881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violetstardust/pseuds/violetstardust
Summary: In a world where two soulmates feel each other's physical pain, Amy still doesn't really understand the whole soulmates thing, and she's not sure if she really wants to understand it. She knows that she wants to meet her soulmate though, but she just doesn't expect her soulmate to be Jake Peralta (he sure gets hurt a lot, though).
Relationships: Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, peraltiago - Relationship
Series: soulmate pain au [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550659
Comments: 13
Kudos: 113





	my blood was once my own (what have you done?)

**Author's Note:**

> i've been working on this soulmate au since like forever and i've FINALLY managed to finish it!!! my head hurts :) anyways this is the chapter from amy's pov, and i WILL be writing a second chapter from jake's pov!  
> the title is lyrics from 'anyone else' by pvris
> 
> also i wanna thank: [@exploding-snapple](https://exploding-snapple.tumblr.com) for reading this over and giving me advice and feedback on how to improve it and just being awsome in general, and [@outofinspo](https://outofinspo.tumblr.com) and [@cheddar-the-dog](https://cheddar-the-dog.tumblr.com) for reading it over and being so nice and supportive!!! love my mutuals so much :) <3

When Amy Santiago is merely three years old, she steps on a lego, even though there isn’t a lego in sight. She dismisses it, however, because she owns a ton of legos (mostly stolen from her brothers), and as a result, there are almost always a few littering the floor somewhere. So, she simply scrunches up her face and continues walking towards her father’s study, in search of some paper that she could scribble on.

What she doesn’t expect, however, is the feeling of about a million legos pressing into the bottom of both of her feet. Amy howls loudly and drops to the floor, trying to understand why her feet are hurting so bad even though there isn’t anything there (She doesn’t know it, but a young boy named Jake Peralta has just been dared by his best friend to walk across a floor of legos, and Jake Peralta is no coward to back down from a dare). Amy wails for her mother, but instead, her older brother Tony comes flying into the room. And that’s how she finds out about “soulmates.” The concept is far too complicated for Amy to grasp, but nevertheless she tries, showering her parents and her brothers with questions every opportunity she gets.

Pretty soon, though, the whole incident flies out of her head and she forgets about “soulmates”, because she’s three years old and there are more important things for her to be doing (such as filling up Tony’s math workbook with doodles, learning to read, and building complex buildings out of legos).

When she’s four and well versed in the art of reading, Tony, after much persuasion, finally agrees to let Amy come to the library with him. Amy is thrilled. As soon as they get to the library, she goes straight to the “soulmates” section and pulls out a book that looks to be about twice her weight. What she doesn’t expect, however, is the thin paper slicing into her index finger as she delicately turns the pages. Amy yelps in pain, quickly withdrawing her hand from the book and staring and the long red mark. It’s the first time she feels completely aware of her soulmate, ever since the lego incident.

She tells her brother while they’re riding back home on the bus. “I hurt my soulmate today,” she says innocently, peering up at Tony with large brown eyes. “But not on purpose.” Tony assures her that it's "never on purpose," but Amy suddenly realizes that it _could_ be on purpose. She steers clear from harm though, even if her soulmate is constantly getting scratches and bruises here and there. The more she thinks about it, she realizes that she could do anything— stub her toe, nick her finger on a knife— to bring her soulmate to be aware of her. 

Five-year-old Amy reveals this to her mother when caught gingerly holding a kitchen knife in one hand. She had been wondering if she should leave a small scratch on the palm of her hand— it’s been a while since her soulmate has gotten hurt (almost three weeks; a broken record!) and even though Amy has been careful to not get hurt, she can’t help but wonder what would happen if she did. Would her soulmate know that she had gotten hurt?

"Amy, you can't deliberately hurt your soulmate," her mother chides. "You're supposed to love your soulmate and try to keep them out of pain." This starts a chorus of "Amy hates her soulmate!" through some of her more annoying brothers (David being the ringleader, of course), and Amy tries to protest it, but they persist. She doesn't mind, though, because her mother winks at her and slips her an extra cookie, which to Amy, is _much_ better than reprimanding her brothers. 

A few months later, one of Amy’s older brothers starts dating a girl from his class. When Amy finds out, she eagerly asks, “is she your soulmate?” And it turns out that no, the girl is _not_ his soulmate, and Amy becomes very confused as to why they’re dating then.

“Well,” her brother says, sitting down next to her on the couch, “not everyone finds their soulmate, you know. And someone doesn’t need to be your soulmate for you to love them, because while the whole concept of “soulmates” is cool and all, it doesn’t always work out. So you can date whoever you want, Ames, and I want you to know that you can love whoever the hell you want.” It’s more difficult for Amy to grasp because a) she wants to end up with her soulmate?? and b) but now she can end up with whoever she wants??? “Basically what I’m saying,” her brother continues, “is that you’re in control of your own life, and fuck the universe.”

“Swear jar!” David shouts as he bursts into the room, pointing at the tall jar set at the edge of the mantle. As Amy’s brother rolls his eyes and gets up, Amy is left on the couch, contemplating what he has just said to her. She’s in control of her own life. That’s fine with Amy; she likes to be in control.

“Don’t overthink it okay?” he turns around and says to Amy, right after slipping a dollar into the jar. And so Amy tries to not give it much thought because after all, she’s only five and she still has _years_ to figure her life out. 

When Amy’s six years old, there is only one occurrence of her feeling her soulmate’s pressing pain, and it’s a strange occurrence too. Amy’s sitting at her desk in her bedroom, working on summer math problems, when something hits her lungs and sucks all the oxygen out of her. Well, it _feels_ like the oxygen’s been sucked out of her, because it hasn’t really, of course. She’s just feeling whatever’s happening to her soulmate.

But Amy gasps, drawing in air and spluttering as she drops her pencil onto the floor. She manages to scream, once, twice, before her father comes running in. He holds her, telling her “Amy, mija! Breathe! _Breathe!”_ and so Amy does, and it seems hard at first, but she breathes with all of her might, because everything is okay, right? Her dad still insists on taking her to the ER, where they tell her that no, Amy doesn’t have asthma, and no, there is no sign of any damage in her body. It must have been something that her soulmate was feeling.

The next day, the local newspaper has a heading on page two that says “EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY NEARLY DROWNS AND IS SAVED BY LIFEGUARD”. The newspaper doesn’t reveal the boy’s name, but Amy feels a pang in her chest as she reads it and she just _knows_ that it’s her soulmate. She tries getting Tony to take her down to the news office, but he gently tells her to not “push things,” for after all, she’s only six. And after some time, Amy drops it.

Elementary school is fun for Amy. Easy, but fun. She breezes through worksheets and readings and even offers to help around the classroom with grading and organizing. And thus begins the “Amy is hurt” saga. She pokes herself with a sharp colored pencil on the first day, drawing blood. One day, she accidentally nearly staples her finger, and another day she steps on a thumbtack. The number of paper cuts covering her fingers increases as well, and David starts a jar called the “Amy is hurt” jar. The rules are simple: every time one of the Santiago brothers see a scar or a bruise or mark on Amy’s body, they put a coin into the jar. The jar is supposed to go to Amy when she finds her soulmate, but Amy knows that the jar will fill up far before this happens. But no matter how often Amy gets hurt, her soulmate gets hurt _way_ more often, and this telling comes in the form of the constant stubbed toes and the sharp pokes and skinned knees and the occasional nip on the hand by what feels like teeth? Does her soulmate have a _pet_?

One morning, she’s in the fifth grade and sitting inside and reading a book in the classroom during recess time. Her teacher sits at the desk at the front of the classroom, grading papers. Amy’s enjoying the third Harry Potter book, when she feels a smidge of pain biting at her knee. She tries to ignore it at first, because who knows what her soulmate is up to? But it grows and Amy bites her lip— she lets out a sharp gasp which has her teacher look up with concern.

“Are you okay, Santiago?” he asks, but Amy’s eyes are welling up with tears that are threatening to spill out. Amy manages to nod, but as soon as she looks down at her knees, the tears spill out and give it all away. “Is it your soulmate?” her teacher asks, giving her a knowing look, and Amy nods.

“I’m okay,” she says, “it’ll go away.” And it does, about half an hour later when Amy’s in the middle of English class. Her teacher goes easy on her that day, which she’s thankful for, because Amy doesn’t think that she would have been able to read out loud properly that day. Her knee still stings for a few days after, but she manages to get through it all while cursing her soulmate (she ends up losing about ten dollars to the swear jar and then about ten more after she curses out David for ratting her out).

“I’m gonna find my soulmate before you find yours,” David tells her one weekend when they’re sitting on the couch at home, bored out of their minds. Amy has a geometry workbook out in front of her, but it isn’t appealing to her at the moment, so she’s just staring out of the window. She tries to ignore David and solve a question about circumference in her head, but he says it again.

“Did you hear me? I’m gonna find my soulmate before you, Amy.” David sits down onto the couch next to her and glances over at the workbook. “The answer is 36 pi,” he says, and Amy promptly slams the book shut.

“I _know,”_ she says, seething. “And you’re _never_ gonna find your soulmate before me. You probably don’t even _have_ a soulmate, because no one will ever love you!”

Her parents, unfortunately, walk in right at that second. Amy’s picture is put on the staircase, as David’s picture gloats at her from up on the mantle. So she storms up to her room in a rage, vowing that she’ll find her soulmate before David. 

Middle school hits Amy like a whirlwind. Suddenly, the number one conversation during lunch and break is soulmates. One girl claims that she’s already found her soulmate. The others place lunch money bets on who’s going to end up with who. They play truth or dare; the dares always ending up to be something like “go punch Sammy, and we’ll see if Ally feels it.” 

Amy hates all of it. She sits in the corner of the cafeteria with her nose in a book, occasionally peering over it to see who’s just been dared to pinch who.

Near the end of sixth grade, one pair is actually proven to be soulmates, causing an uproar in the school. One girl had been dared to punch another guy in the stomach, and across the cafeteria, a different girl doubled over in pain. The kids lead a few more experiments, and prove the two to be actual, real life soulmates.

Amy doesn’t know what to think of this. The two kids literally didn’t know each other before, and they had just found out that they were supposed to be soulmates. How is that supposed to work?! And with that, Amy realizes that soulmates are actually _much_ more complex and trickier than she had realized.

She soars through middle school fast, graduating the eighth grade as valedictorian (which really, had been a very easy feat, as most of the other kids barely knew pre-algebra while Amy was reading over her older brothers’ trigonometry and calculus homework). High school comes as a storm, and the _real_ soulmates drama starts, because there are at least three pairs who are already matched up as soulmates somehow. And then there’s the whole intricate mess of teenage feelings and playing with love, which Amy really hates.

So she ignores most of everything outside of academics, leading the stenographer’s club (which she is self-elected president of) and the after-school study hall. She is soaring high with her grades, which are the best that the high school has seen in a _long_ time (she manages to get 100-120% on most of her finals), and doing her best to just ignore soulmates. 

Graduation comes with Amy giving the valedictorian speech, but yet again, soulmates drama ruins everything again. She’s trying to give her speech when one kid trips in the stands, and from across the hall, another kid yells out in pain. Two soulmates found yet again right at the end of high school, in the middle of Amy’s supposed moment.

She’s a little jealous, though, and deep down she’s scared that she’ll never find her soulmate like all of these people are finding theirs. Then she would have to lose the soulmate bet to David and live in shame for like, ever. But she disguises her jealousy as annoyance, and just continues with life.

She’s studying hard at college when her soulmate makes a comeback. The feeling of bruised knuckles and sore abs makes Amy wonder what her soulmate is getting up to, and she finds herself daydreaming of her soulmate in the middle of an art history lecture. Is he an athlete? Does he live across the world from her, or is he situated in New York? What does he look like? What would his voice sound like— 

“Santiago, do you know who first introduced the concept of modernism?” Her professor’s voice cuts right through Amy’s daydreams like a sharp knife.

“Ludwig Mies van der Rohe and Le Corbusier in the mid-twentieth century introduced modernism in architectural structure through their glass buildings,” Amy answers with confidence, and her professor moves on after giving her a short nod.

Her soulmate is working out; that much she knows. His legs and arms ache at night, and Amy’s _sure_ that he’s been building some muscles. Why? She doesn’t know, but she hopes to meet him and find out one day.

One night, Amy’s sitting alone in her crappy Brooklyn apartment that she had just gotten for a pretty good rent price. She’s scrolling through her phone and staring at the pictures that David had just sent in the Santiago family group chat— the ones of him living it up and partying after his police training academy graduation ceremony. Amy had been invited to the party, of course, but she had made something up about finishing up some studying for university. She sits on the couch, almost asleep, when a dozen shards of glass seem to rip into her palms. Amy jolts awake and shakes out her hands with a little bit of fear rising up in her, because her soulmate it a real stupid-head and she sure hopes that he hasn’t done anything really stupid just now. A few seconds later, however, the pain dulls and her fingers turn cold, so she ignores the blood throbbing in her hands and falls back asleep on the couch.

She enrolls in the police training academy a month later, mostly because her papa was a great cop and she looks up to him, but also because David’s already gone through with the police training academy and Amy kinda sorta just really wants to beat David in life. Maybe if she can make detective faster than him, then maybe she’ll find her soulmate faster than him. It’s a weird sense of logic, but Amy just goes through with it and enrolls in the academy.

She’s top in her class there, as usual. At least, with the academic portion of training academy. She has to work a little bit harder with the physical part of it, so she ends up going to the gym nearly every night and giving it her all until she’s visibly improved. 

Amy learns how to kick down doors and run miles faster than she ever could before. She memorizes all of the ten-codes and legal procedures for different types of crimes. She learns all of the ropes of the legal world, and suddenly she’s graduating from police training academy at the top of her class. (David isn’t invited to the party. The party consists of some of her fellow graduates and her old friends Kylie, and some other people she doesn’t know.)

Beat cop life starts… rough. Amy’s a Latina woman in a precinct full of white dudes, and she’s almost sure that most of them make fun of her— the way she has to be so precise with her paperwork, so organized with her desk, and perhaps taking notes at the morning briefing wasn’t _necessary._

One guy sticks out of the rest, though. He’s _nice_ to Amy, helping her sort through her paperwork and solve cases. He tells the others to stop when they start mocking Amy, and Amy just has to crack a smile because maybe being a beat cop isn’t going to be so bad. His name is Teddy, and it’s the first time Amy’s wished that someone in front of her is her soulmate.

He’s most likely not, though, because Amy gets pretty ragged up on the job; _he_ gets pretty ragged up on the job, and besides, somewhere Amy’s _soulmate_ is getting ragged up every other day too. Amy knows that Teddy isn’t her soulmate, because one day, she cuts herself on a shard of glass while they’re scouring the crime scene (she mentally beats herself up for ruining such a valuable piece of evidence) and Teddy doesn’t even wince. Amy even sees his face fall before offering to go get her a bandage or something to wrap her hand up in. Amy’s not sure whether she’s relieved or disappointed that Teddy isn’t her soulmate, but after she cuts her hand, she feels a thick needle poke into her skin and lets out a yelp. Granted, Amy herself had just gotten hurt, but her soulmate is nevertheless… a moron.

Amy climbs through her beat cop years with high spirits. The job is hard work but engaging and fun, and Amy’s stayed long working hours, worked overtime, and she’s just ready to get a promotion.

The promotion doesn’t come easily. Her captain is, well, gross. Amy works exceptionally hard for her promotion, devoting hours to studying for the detective’s exam, but her captain insists that it’s _him,_ pulling some strings around for her to get her a promotion. It doesn’t make Amy feel good, so she files for a transfer almost immediately after ranking detective.

“The Ninety-Ninth Precinct,” she reads aloud, as soon as she receives her transfer papers. Her captain almost immediately pops up. 

“Oh, I know the captain of the Nine-Nine. McGintley. You’ll do _great_ there.” His voice makes her feel well, uncomfortable, and Amy tries sliding away from him. However, he persists, telling Amy about all of the wonderful things that could happen if she _stayed_ in this precinct.

She moves to the Nine-Nine a day later. She’s greeted by a man with wildly curly hair— he’s wearing a sweatshirt with the sleeves rolled up as he shakes her hand and welcomes her to the Nine-Nine. Amy pushes her bangs out of her face as another, shorter, man walks up behind them. “I hear wedding bells!” he chirps, and Amy looks uncomfortably up at Detective Jake Peralta, who looks as uncomfortable as she feels.

“That’s Charles,” he says with embarrassment laced into his voice. “Sorry.”

“Uh, no need to apologize,” she says, “do you know where my desk is?”

He leads her to her desk and Amy starts her first day at the Nine-Nine with a high note. Jake introduces her to everyone. Detective Rosa Diaz greets Amy with a scowl as she polishes a large knife. Civilian Administrator Gina Linetti doesn’t even look up from her phone when Amy says hello. Detective Charles Boyle yelps with excitement, and Sergeant Terry Jeffords shakes her hand a little too firmly. 

“But where’s the captain…?” Amy asks, looking around.

“Asleep,” Jake says. “We find it best not to bother him. Wanna play fire-extinguisher race, Rosa?”

“Yup,” Rosa says, tossing a fire extinguisher at him. Amy watches from her desk, mortified. The precinct is a hot mess, and Amy isn’t sure how they manage to even get any work done. She tries focusing on a case file, but finds herself distracted by the other detectives, all up to their shenanigans. 

Jake had made a first impression on her, seemingly nice. She soon finds out that he _isn’t_.

As soon as Jake finds out that Amy is the Type-A, always wants to get her work done right, he starts teasing her, and it’s _relentless._ She ignores him most of the time, but sometimes bites back at his comments with her own comebacks, which she finds she’s getting _way_ better at.

She adjusts to life at the Nine-Nine, and finds herself looking forward to her three alarms ringing every morning. She looks forward to banter with Jake, working silently on cases with Rosa, and listening to all of Terry’s stories about his kids. 

Then comes the bet. Jake _loves_ getting a rise out of Amy, so one day, he proposes a bet on who can make the most arrests. Amy decides to agree, much to his surprise. They come to the terms quickly— Amy gets Jake’s car if she wins, because she _knows_ that he loves his car. He says that he’s going to take her on the worst date in history— she doesn’t believe him, because there’s no way that he’s being serious. Nevertheless, she continues doing her best to make arrests and get her numbers to climb higher than Jake's.

The Nine-Nine is _way_ better than her old precinct, even though Captain McGintley is pretty much incompetent. 

That changes quickly. McGintley transfers out of the Nine-Nine, and in transfers Captain Raymond Holt, who is stoic and serious, and Amy’s sure that he’s going to be a _wonderful_ captain. However, she embarrasses herself within the first minute of Holt’s arrival, which she doesn’t know how to get over.

She wants him to be her mentor; to teach her everything he knows, which Jake quickly finds out and teases her a ton for. She ignores it, as usual.

Life at the Nine-Nine under the eye of Captain Raymond Holt turns productive. They’re solving cases left and right (except for Hitchcock and Scully, obviously), and the bet has motivated the entire precinct even more. Everyone starts taking sides— Rosa’s surprisingly on Amy’s side (“Can’t wait to see you car be lit on fire by Santiago,” she had said to Jake), and Charles, ever the loyal friend, takes Jake’s side. No one’s really sure where Gina lies on the bet. Terry refuses to take sides, being the responsible sergeant that he is.

Amy’s 90% sure that she’s going to win. Jake is… annoying and she really wants to show him that _she’s_ the boss— that she can stand up for herself and evade his teasing. Besides, Amy really doesn’t want to go on a date with him. He’s not her soulmate, after all.

Right as she thinks she’s gonna win, Jake brings in more arrests and the bet is closed.

Amy loses. Jake wins. She has to go on the worst date in the world with her not-soulmate.

Right away, it’s terrible. He has her put on an ugly dress that she hates. It doesn’t get any better, either. Or so she thinks. Right as Jake’s about to further make a fool of her, Captain Holt calls upon them to work a case, much to Amy’s immense relief. 

And then it’s not so bad. Amy actually valiantly tries to focus on the case they’re working, but she finds her attention gravitating towards Jake more and more. She’s actually having _fun_ on that rooftop on 397 Barton Street, and she finds herself playing one of Jake’s games (throwing up peanuts and catching them in her mouth) and it’s actually fun.

They end up arresting their perp in well time— going undercover and pretending to be a newly-engaged couple, which sails almost too smoothly. She and Jake work together almost too well. It’s actually rather unnerving.

Soon afterward, the Nine-Nine heads off to Tactical Village, something that Amy and nearly everyone else has looked forward to since like forever. Tactical Village is one of the best parts of being a detective, other than the paperwork and like, bringing justice to the city.

Amy is met with a surprise at Tactical Village— Teddy. She hasn’t seen him in ages, other than keeping up with his Facebook and sending the occasional text message that never really seems to hit it off.

Surprisingly, it isn’t awkward. They quiz each other on police codes, and through that, they hit it off pretty well. He even asks her out on a date, which Amy agrees to.

Amy's in a new relationship, and she's enjoying it. And so it doesn't feel very great when Jake Peralta confesses that he has feelings for her right before he goes undercover with the mafia. It leaves Amy confused as ever and wondering if Jake could potentially be her soulmate.

So why had she said yes when Teddy asked her out?

She's been pondering over _why_ she had accepted Teddy's offer of going on a date… Amy’s romanticized the idea of having a soulmate, and Teddy probably isn’t hers. She knows that, he knows that, so why are they suddenly going out? It’s a well-known fact that not everyone meets their soulmate in life, and sometimes something happens where soulmates don’t work or something.

Amy likes him, even though she ultimately wants to find her soulmate. Teddy’s nice enough, so going on a few dates probably won’t hurt. 

And it doesn’t hurt. Teddy’s great. But if Amy's being totally honest with herself, he just isn't what she wants. He's not _enough._ Amy's not getting any closer to finding her soulmate by playing it safe and dating Teddy. 

But she's also _very_ conflicted on whether to break up with him or not. As everyone knows, soulmates can _change_ , and what if Teddy ends up actually being her real soulmate? What if the universe sees them together and decides that they're a better fit?

However, Amy somehow knows that she's done the right thing when she blurts out "I wanna break up" as soon as she sees him carrying a bottled pilsner to their coffee date. It hurts a little bit but ultimately, Amy's made the right decision and she knows it.

By this time, though, Jake dating someone else. Which hurts, especially since Amy's been thinking of Jake's time undercover with the mafia. Sometimes, while Jake had been away, Amy had felt kicks and punches; bruises making her arms and legs sore. A little piece of her mind, deep inside, had wondered if it had been _Jake._

She lets it go. Jake's dating Sophia. They might actually be soulmates. Jake hasn't said anything about them _not_ being soulmates.

So Amy concentrates on work, harder than ever before. She pours all of her energy into working and making Captain Holt happy, quitting cigarettes, and finishing crosswords from the 1950s New York Times. 

Three weeks later, Jake suddenly finds himself single just when the Nine-Nine is invited to a tactical-terrorist simulation by the Department of Homeland Security. Rosa and Amy have their little bet going on― whoever shoots more terrorists wins. Amy wins, obviously, but shortly after she shoots Rosa, she feels a pang in her own chest.

It feels exactly like a paintball has hit her, even though there's no paint on her torso at all.

Amy stares at Rosa. "I―"

"What?" Rosa glares at her with annoyance. "You just shot me, Santiago."

"Are you my soulmate?"

" _What?"_ Rosa wildly looks around before returning her attention to Amy. "Why would you say that?"

"I― I felt a paintball―" Amy stammers.

Rosa punches her in the shoulder. 

" _Ow!"_ Amy jerks away from her. "What was _that_ for?!"

Rosa shrugs. "I didn't feel that. _You_ felt it. I'm not your soulmate, Santiago. But if you felt a paintball…" Rosa raises an eyebrow, "we better find out who else got shot." She stands up, pulling Amy up with her. "I bet it was Jake."

Red rises up into Amy's cheeks. "What? Why would you say that? No, he's not. I bet he wasn't shot. He probably has the whole situation under control. I bet he has Homeland Security trapped right now. Jake wouldn't get shot. Jake's fine," she babbles. Rosa sighs in annoyance and they go out in search for the rest of the Nine-Nine.

Jake had been shot. The paint marks the exact place where Amy had felt it. 

Rosa looks at Amy with a questioning stare.

Amy glares at her, warning Rosa to keep her mouth shut. It could've been a coincidence; Jake probably isn't her soulmate. Still suspicion rises up in Amy, no matter how much she tries to keep it to herself. 

A week passes by, and Amy _knows_ that she's been acting weird around Jake. He doesn't seem to notice it, and before long, they're going out on a case together.

They're working undercover.

As a _couple_.

It kinda hurts, every time Amy looks at Jake and grins, pretending that he's Johnny and she's Dora. They're a newly-engaged couple.

The perp's date looks over at them adoringly. "Ohmygosh, are you guys _soulmates_!?"

"Yup!" Jake says, making eye-contact with Amy. 

"Yeah," Amy adds, "I punched him in the shoulder once, and that's how we found out!"

"Oh my god, that's _so_ cute."

"Yup!" Jake and Amy say in unison. 

Ten minutes later, they're making out in front of the kitchen to keep their cover from the perp. It's like fireworks light up inside of Amy's head and heart as she pulls Jake deeper into the kiss, and it sort of feels like it's _meant to be_.

Oh shit, maybe Jake really _is_ meant to be her soulmate.

After the case is over, though, neither of them talk about all of the making-out. Amy does her best to shove the memory to the back of her mind and forget all about it, but no matter how hard she tries, the kiss keeps on popping up in her dreams; haunting her at night.

She's in love with Jake, whether or not he's her soulmate. It fucking hurts.

Two weeks later, Amy gets a text in the Santiago family group chat. Her whole family is meeting up at the Santiago household, for a little family get-together. The invite says "All soulmates welcome!" and it causes a sort-of panic inside of her.

David is gonna be there. Amy's reminded of her bet with him from a while back, when they were kids― that David could probably find his soulmate before Amy could, and Amy has the urge to win against David in everything.

She needs to find her soulmate before the reunion, which is in less than a week.

No matter how much Amy slices her fingers with sharp edges of paper over the next four days, Jake just _doesn't_ look up from his desk. He's not feeling it. He's not her soulmate. Amy is _doomed._

But still, Amy needs a date. A _fake_ soulmate. Someone to pretend to be her soulmate and help her win against David, because Amy is _not_ going to let David have this triumph. 

And who better to ask to be her fake soulmate than Jake? It would be pretty easy to explain, and Amy's still longing for Jake to be her real soulmate, so one night of pretending couldn't hurt.

So she musters up her courage and finally walks over to Jake when they’re about to leave the bullpen to go home, merely a day before the reunion. She stops him, placing a hand on his arm until he turns around to look at her questioningly.

“Uh, hey,” she fidgets slightly for a moment before confidently looking him in the eye, ”I need a favor.”

Jake looks at her questioningly, arching one eyebrow with interest. “I’m not gonna have sex with you,” he says, grinning from ear to ear as if he’s just won the award for comedian of the year.

Pink spreads across Amy’s cheeks and she looks away for a moment. “No! Gross! I would rather _die_ than—ugh!” She gags in his face before taking a deep breath. “No, I need you to, uh, _accompany_ me somewhere.”

Jake seems to consider it. “You know, that’s gonna come at a price,” he mulls a mischievous smile spreading over his face. Amy sucks in a breath—“Die Hard movie marathon!” Jake announces cheerfully, and Amy releases her breath. A Die Hard movie marathon couldn’t be _so_ bad, could it? And then Jake says, “and _you’re_ bringing the orange soda,” so Amy starts preparing for the longest day of her life.

“Wait, I haven’t even told you where we’re going yet,” Amy grimaces as Jake starts to leave, “I need you to pretend to be my soulmate.”

This stops Jake in his tracks and he turns back around to stare at her indecorously. “ _Why_?”

“It’s really stupid,” Amy starts rambling, “but all of my brothers are going to be in town and I have this one brother—David—who I made a bet with when I was like twelve that I would find my soulmate before he found his. And I’m seeing David tomorrow—I don’t know if he’s found his, but on the offhand chance that he _has_ , well, it’s really important to me to like, beat David.” She looks at Jake hopefully, who stares back at her with doubt.

Amy sighs. “I’ll bring sour candy to the Die Hard marathon,” she says, and Jake immediately brightens.

“I mean, if there’ll be food and the chance to find blackmail material on you, then whatever. I’m in,” Jake says.

Amy grins at him. “ _Great_! Let me just show you the binder—”

“There’s a _binder_?!” Jake groans.

“I’ll bring _three_ packs of gummy candy,” Amy says hopefully.

“Fine. Deal.”

The rest of the evening goes by with them looking at the binder; coming up with their story and how they were going to prove to David that they were actually soulmates. “We’re keeping it simple. We met on the job, obviously, and figured out that we’re soulmates during a sting operation, when you skinned your knee and I felt it,” Amy says. “No doubt David’s gonna try to prove it for himself, and pinch me or something, so you have to stay close to me and keep an eye out for him so that you can play the part.”

Jake rolls his eyes at all of this. “Boring. Can we get to the fun stuff now? Like, which one of your brothers is the hottest? Also, what if one of your brothers turns out to be my _real_ soulmate? What if _David_ turns out to be my real soulmate? Also, how hot is he?”

“ _Gross_. I mean, you both suck, so you would suit each other.” Amy swats Jake lightly on the shoulder with annoyance. “But no, not happening. I’ll pick you up tomorrow at six. No funny business.”

Funny business happens at six o’clock PM that next day, when Jake emerges from his apartment decked out in an overlarge suit and green-tinted aviator glasses. He balances a top hat in his hand as he bows deeply to Amy. “After you, m’lady,” he says, blowing her a kiss.

Amy closes her eyes for a minute before groaning. “I _knew_ that this was gonna happen,” she mutters, dragging him by the arm and to her car. She opens the trunk and grabs a plastic bag full of clothes, thrusting it in his arms and pointing back towards the apartment building. “Go. Change.”

Jake grins at her sheepishly but leaves, emerging from the building a few minutes later in the fresh clothes that Amy had given him. He looks much nicer, Amy has to admit, and she has to tear her eyes away for a second as he gets into the car.

They get to the Santiago household half an hour later to find cars parked all up the driveway. Amy parks near the side of the road, and the two walk up the steps of the house, arm in arm.

Camila Santiago opens the door. “Oh, Amy!” She pulls her daughter in for a hug before looking up at Jake. “Jake? What are you doing here?”

“Mama, he’s my _soulmate_.” Amy flashes a grin at her mother, who stands shell-shocked before a smile plasters onto her face.

“Oh my goodness, _mija_ , why didn’t you _tell_ me! How long have you two known?!” She's still staring at Jake with a kind of judgmental look on her face, so Amy sends a glare at her mother.

“It’s very fresh,” Amy says. “We found out a while ago and we’ve been keeping it under the wraps.” Oh, Amy Santiago is an _excellent_ liar.

Jake sheepishly smiles at Camila as she raises an eyebrow at him, and steps aside to let them into the house.

Amy’s immediately shoved into the arms of numerous brothers—Carlos, Michael, Sammy, Tony, David—she can’t keep track of all of them, all who ask her about how she’s doing and how is work and—

“I found my soulmate,” Amy announces, her words directed at David.

David squints at her. “You’re definitely lying,” he decides, and in a panic, Amy pulls Jake forward.

“I am _not_. This is Jake.” Amy pinches herself in the arm and watches with satisfaction as Jake pretends to yelp. “He feels my pain, and I’ve found my soulmate before you, David. I win.”

“Actually,” David says, “I met someone who I’m pretty sure is my soulmate.”

“Not the same thing as being _together_ with your soulmate,” Amy shoots at him, and he shuts up.

Introducing Jake to her father is a whole different story, because unlike David, Victor Santiago wants to know _all_ of the facts, and he wants to know them now. Amy prays that Jake has the story right in his mind so that he doesn’t mess up and cause suspicion if questioned alone. “He’s a detective, Papa,” Amy says, “You know that. And you’ve met him before.”

Victor Santiago does not approve of Jake Peralta being his daughter’s (fake) soulmate, but it’s soulmates, right? Matters of the universe and the heart, so there’s nothing that Victor can do about it other than to grouse about it to his wife and daughter. “I can’t believe you got someone so dumb as your soulmate, Amy,” he criticizes. 

Camila laughs. “I should say the same for myself,” she jokes. “I think that Jake and Amy may actually be a good match.”

“I mean, of _course_ they’re a ‘good’ match if they’re _soulmates,_ ” Victor reasons. “I’m just saying, Camila, not all soulmates end up working out like us.”

“ _Dad_ ,” Amy cuts in, offended, “I like him. We’re _happy._ ” And she turns around and looks at Jake,--who is immersed in conversation with Carlos Santiago—and a smile spreads over Amy’s face because truly, she is happy to have a partner like Jake who’s always got her back in stakeouts _and_ weird family events. (Maybe, the only reason she’s suppressing her feelings for him is because he’s not _actually_ her soulmate, and it would be unfair to both of their soulmates?)

As soon as Amy walks away from her parents, she’s cornered by David. “Are you and Jake _actually_ even soulmates? You don’t seem to be very much in love,” he accuses, his eyebrows raised at his sister.

“What?” Amy feigns offense. “Like I said, it’s very much fresh—we only just found out—” she fumbles for words, tracking David’s gaze over to Jake, who’s sitting on the couch in between two of her little brothers, animatedly talking about Die Hard.

In a flash, David pinches his nails into Amy’s arm, keeping his eyes on Jake.

“Ouch!” Amy shakes David off in a panic, staring right at Jake.

Jake yelps, and covers the spot on his own arm with the palm of his hand. He looks up and meets Amy’s eyes, flashing her a bright grin. As soon as David looks away in defeat, Jake gives Amy a thumbs up.

The rest of the night seems to go by pretty smoothly, much to Amy’s relief.

Near midnight, Tony comes over, holding something behind his back. He sits down on the couch next to Amy, and it’s just the two of them. Amy relaxes a little bit, tearing her paranoid gaze away from Jake and allowing herself to face her brother with undivided attention.

Out of all of her brothers, Amy’s missed Tony probably the most. Sitting down and talking to him— just the two of them— it knocks a wave of nostalgia over her heart as Tony clears his throat. 

“So, Ames,” he says, “you and Jake, huh?”

Amy fidgets a little bit. She doesn’t feel great lying to Tony, but she nods. “Uh, yeah! I know right, it’s crazy.”

“Congrats on finding your soulmate.” He pulls out a large jar from behind his back and presents it to Amy. There’s a little tape label on the jar; written in wobbly black sharpie letters, it says, ‘AMY IS HURT’. Amy recognizes David’s adolescent scrawl and the memory of the jar washes over her until she feels a little bit faint. It’s probably the nicest thing that David’s ever done for her. 

“It’s probably not a lot of money, but—”

Amy knocks Tony over into a hug. She can feel her eyes welling up, and the fact that Jake isn’t really her soulmate is making her feel _incredibly_ terrible.

“Are you _crying_ ?” Tony looks at Amy indecorously. “Ames, it’s not really that big of a deal, you know,” he says, and Amy just wishes that she could _tell_ him. She wants to tell Tony _so_ bad but she keeps her mouth shut, for the sake of keeping hers and Jake’s covers.

And then a thought suddenly occurs to her— what if she ends up meeting her _actual_ soulmate later on? Soulmates can change— she’s definitely heard of it happening— but it would be a lot to explain to the family. 

She really just wants Jake to be her soulmate. It's all Amy wants.

Two nights later, Amy shows up at Jake's doorstep, holding a plastic bag full of packets of gummy candy. He opens it a minute later, wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. His eyes light up as soon as he sees the candy in Amy's arms, and he grabs the bag from her ecstatically. 

"I have the DVDs ready," he grins, ripping open a bag of sour gummy worms.

Amy tries not to stare at his bare arms so much as he leads her into the living area. The couch is covered in soft blankets, and the whole place looks cozy. 

Amy might actually be looking forward to this Die Hard movie marathon.

Jake sets a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front as he starts the movie and sits down on the couch. Amy stiffly sits down beside him, not wanting to get too close. She's still reeling from all of the leftover feelings from the other night― wishing that Jake could be her real soulmate because she's still kinda in love with him. Like, badly. 

"I'm not gonna bite," Jake laughs, settling closer to her on the couch. 

Amy nearly flinches. "Title of your sextape."

"Okay, I'll admit, that was a good one," Jake says as the movie begins. The sextape joke kinda seems to relax Amy, and she takes a deep breath as she prepares herself for endless hours of watching Die Hard.

It isn't that bad, mainly because Amy's not really focused on the movie. She's more focused on Jake, who puts an arm around her shoulder about halfway through the movie. It sends a shiver running down Amy's spine, and she looks up at him.

"What?" he asks, "is that okay?"

Amy nods, and returns her attention back to the movie.

She can't believe she's so attracted to the guy who's just eaten four packets of sour candy and is currently shouting at the screen as John McClane does something "cool" and "heroic."

Amy reaches for the bowl of popcorn and pulls it into her lap. She picks out the more buttery ones, and apparently, Jake has the same idea, because their hands meet in the middle of the popcorn bowl. Amy fumbles with the popcorn and ends up dropping the entire bowl on the floor.

"Amy!"

"Sorry!"

And suddenly, both of them are crawling on their hands and knees, picking up stray pieces of popcorn off the floor. 

It happens in a blur: Jake bangs his shoulder into the coffee table. Pain ricochets up into _Amy's_ shoulder, and the popcorn spills out of her hands and back onto the floor where she sits in shock.

"Ames. _Ames._ " Jake's voice is faint and far away. She doesn't know what's happening. And then the flashbacks start.

The headline, from when she was six. "EIGHT YEAR OLD BOY NEARLY DROWNS AND IS SAVED BY LIFEGUARD." And Jake, in the break room, _years_ later. _"I almost drowned when I was eight."_ How could Amy not put two and two together?!

That wasn't the only hint that had been dropped right in front of Amy's nose over the years. There was _so_ much more. The bruises and injuries when Jake went undercover with the mafia, the paintball at the tactical-terrorist simulation, and literally _everything_ else.

She's a _terrible_ detective.

"Amy. _Amy!_ " Jake's voice brings her back to reality, and Amy feels a tear dripping down her cheek. "Look, I know that this may not seem good, and I'm _so_ sorry." Jake's voice is controlled and calming. Amy feels her breathing return to normal as she gets over the initial shock.

"I―" Jake continues, "I had my suspicions about this. I did. But I _found out_ found out at the Santiago family reunion. You remember when David pinched you and I was literally across the room?" Amy nods, so Jake continues. "I actually felt that. It was genuine. That's when I figured out that… well, we're soulmates, Amy."

"I'm in love with you," Amy blurt out, and instantly, she wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him closer. He's practically on top of her now, and they're sitting on the floor and kissing against the couch.

It's the best thing that's ever happened to Amy, even better than being named valedictorian for about ten consecutive years. It's better than her mother's home-cooked meals, better than new binder tabs, better than _everything_ and anything. It's so warm and nice and Amy's never been more in love.

Jake's hand is cupping one side of her face when they pull away. He tenderly strokes her cheeks and they make eye contact. Amy takes a deep breath.

"I'm glad you're my soulmate," she finally says after waiting a minute.

"Me too."

And just like that, they're officially together. Jake and Amy.

When they tell the squad, Charles shouts out, "called it!" and immediately faints from overexcitement. 

"I told you so," Rosa smirks at Amy before fist-bumping Jake. Despite herself, Amy grins.

Captain Holt walks up to them. "I just wanted to say…" he looks at Amy for a brief moment, "I am very happy for both of you. I am also very _proud_ of you."

Amy's grinning wider than ever. Jake takes the opportunity to speak.

"That you, Captain. But you're gonna wanna be careful with the compliments. Amy here has a praise kink."

Amy punches Jake in the arm. She immediately regrets it, though, because the pain just shoots right back into her own arm.

Four weeks pass and Jake and Amy are doing _great._ They're happy together, everything is going wonderful, and Amy's new life calendar is going exactly according to plan.

Unfortunately, Jake going into witness protection in Florida is _not_ on Amy's life calendar, but it happens anyway. It sucks because he's so far away, yet so close because Amy can feel it every time he punches a wall out of frustration, every time he kicks furniture around and screams at the top of his lungs.

She's _so_ relieved when the Nine-Nine road trips down to Florida to bail out Jake and Captain Holt because all she wants is to see Jake again. 

But when she sees him, they're _so_ out of sync and everything feels so wrong. Amy loves Jake, and she knows he loves her too, but whatever's happening is _not_ working. All of that time apart hadn't been amazing.

Before long, they go out to take Jimmy "The Butcher" Figgis's team at the arcade. Everything ends up going pretty well, up until the part where Jimmy Figgis takes Jake at gunpoint. Amy knows what she has to do; she's just not sure if _Jake's_ okay with it until he gives her the short "go ahead" nod.

And Amy knows that they're both about to be in excruciating pain, but she pulls the trigger and lets a bullet fly into Jake's leg. 

Everything is a blur after that. Amy's in crippling pain, but she surges forward towards Jake until the squad is out to help. They get Jake to an ambulance, and Amy crumples onto the floor, holding her leg because it's exactly what's Jake's going through.

Rosa pulls her up and effortlessly carries her to the ambulance, where they're taking care of Jake. She grips his hand tightly as they work through the gunshot pain _together_ , once more back in sync.

Life is nice and breezy, right up until Jake and Rosa are falsely convicted for Melanie Hawkin's bank robberies and sent to prison. The sentence is _fifteen_ years, and Amy knows she's going to wait for Jake― after all, he _is_ her soulmate― but Amy's not sure how she's going to make it through without him being constantly at her side. 

She busies herself with working on his and Rosa's case, going through the case files hundreds of times over and over again until she finds herself sleeping at her desk late at night when everyone, even Boyle, has already gone home.

Amy doesn’t want to go _home._ Home is supposed to be with Jake, but Jake is in a prison facility somewhere far away. Amy knows that if she goes home to their apartment, she’s just going to end up missing him even more.

What's even worse is that Amy can feel it every single time Jake gets into a prison fight, and it sucks. She's not particularly concerned about herself feeling Jake's pain; she's more concerned about the fact that Jake is getting hurt and he's _not safe._

The nightmares hurt just as much. She dreams of him being taken away to the prison over and over again, waking each morning with the hope that Jake can't feel her emotional pain, because he's probably already worried as it is. 

They make a breakthrough in the case when they finally figure out where Melanie Hawkins had been hiding the diamonds, and it's as if the weight of the whole world has been lifted off of Amy's shoulders because she can _finally_ see Jake again.

Prison has changed Jake. Amy can tell. He flinches when she hugs him for the first time after they reunite. Amy takes a deep breath and buries her face in his shoulder and wishes that she could somehow feel Jake's emotional pain and just take it all away.

Amy wants to make things better for him, but she just doesn't know _how._ He's trying to act normal around her; she can _tell_. The way he brushes his teeth at night and hops into his pajamas and then into bed may seem normal, but there's a silence that lies underneath all of it that turns their domestic life mesmerizingly eery. They swing back into their routine until everything just feels like a robotic cycle, and Amy just can't take it anymore.

So when the Halloween Heist comes around, Amy doesn't expect Jake to be up and energetic about it. However, he's bouncing off the walls with energy and fierce competitiveness. It spurs Amy on to see Jake like this, so she immerses herself in the competition as well. It's nice to see Jake actually passionate about something, and it feels like they're clicking back together, so Amy vows to get that cummerbund in any way that she can.

Jake proposing to her is the _last_ thing Amy expects when she thinks that she's sealed the win. It turns her whole heart into a strange whirlwind of love for him because as soon as she says yes and he puts the ring onto her finger, the whole world seems alright again.

They're together. They're okay. They're _soulmates_ , and they're going to get married and everything is going to be okay. It's everything Amy wants― for life to be just the two of them against the world.

She wants to spend the rest of her life with Jake. Amy loves him so much and she knows that she's willing to feel his pain in the hardest of times because whatever happens, they're going to be in it together.

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi so now that you finished this i'd like to redirect you to the partner fic for this: [i'll carry your pain (along with my own)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18997036/chapters/45111889); it's set in the same universe and everything but it's just dianetti instead of peraltiago :)
> 
> oay so full disclosure this was supposed to be like 5k words max but it just dragged out whoops
> 
> you can find me at [@darkrosemind](https://darkrosemind.tumblr.com) OR [@darkrosemind](https://twitter.com/darkosemind)


End file.
